I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
