Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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