ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
