Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
