i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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