can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
