sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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