I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
