got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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