I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
