I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
