You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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