Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
