i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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