i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
