Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
