Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
