i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
