I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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