I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize