so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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