The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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