Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
