Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
