when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
