she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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