Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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