If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Green mimosas i think yes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
