I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
