Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
