Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this boner is exhausting
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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