afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
