i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
