He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
