Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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