she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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