the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
