How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
