im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
