I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is my gift to your gina
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
