Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
