...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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