The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize