Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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