I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
