this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
