my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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