i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
