its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
