Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Randomize
