He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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