she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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