i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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