Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
