Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
