I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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