CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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