dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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