Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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