Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
