we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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