i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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