and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
